Pustaka Ilmiah Universitas Padjadjaran

Abstrak

Mothering Celebrities: Mother-Daughter Relationships in the Auto/Biographies of Krisdayanti

I am a mother and my mother’s only daughter. Lately I have been trying to reconnect with my mother whom I thought I have nothing in common with. Or maybe I have nothing in common with her. My brothers, even my husband, on the contrary, think that I am slowly evolving into my mother. This creates ambivalent feelings for me. On one hand, it somehow affirms my connectivity with my mother, that I am indeed my mother’s daughter. On the other hand, I feel I am losing my sense of self about who I am, of my individuality and separation from my mother. On the verge of my fifty, I am feeling increasingly aware that I am more of my mother’s reflection than what I thought I would be. I am becoming her. It scares me. I don’t want to be like her. I have always thought I have laid a different path from her. I thought I would become my own self, but just as Rich (1995: 225) argues, “the flow of energy between two biologically alike bodies,” is not something one can deny. Writing this article gives me a space to reflect on my relationship with my mother, and how in many ways she has shaped my idea of self. She has even directed me to the path I took in an ironical way I thought I was going to be different from her. My mother was a “Sarjana Muda Hukum” when her education was cut short due to the passing of her father. She was a very active university student, enrolling herself to different academic and social activities. A “pokrol bambu”, she was a trained – still is – a strong contender for any debate she has let herself to enter. Her children know only too well that we shall never outsmart her if she wishes to entertain herself by smacking us. She was never able to go back to school because she decided to marry my father so as to be able to take care of her younger siblings. Three of them. Growing up, I was a very obnoxious daughter who often undermined her intellectuality. I only learnt the significant role she has played as I grow older and calmer, and managed to reflect and appreciate the many little things she did for me.